


how to save a life

by yahootoldyou



Series: obikin week '17 [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 17:56:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11560389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yahootoldyou/pseuds/yahootoldyou
Summary: obi-wan would do anything for him, but he can't do this.





	how to save a life

**Author's Note:**

> day 4: lyrics

_Step one, you say we need to talk_

_He walks, you say sit down, it's just a talk_

_He smiles politely back at you_

_You stare politely right on through_

_Some sort of window to your right_

_As he goes left, and you stay right_

_Between the lines of fear and blame_

_You begin to wonder why you came_

 

 

“Anakin,” he calls to the retreating man. His former padawan freezes, turning to Obi-Wan with a thunderstorm in his eyes.

“What,” he bites out and Obi-Wan nearly takes a step back. He’s never seen the hate in Anakin’s eyes like this. 

Except… Well, except for the Rako Hardeen incident. Obi-Wan’s heart fills with dread as they stand in the long corridor, silent besides Anakin’s labored breath.

“Anakin, we need to talk. The way you acted in there-“ He starts but dark waves flow off of Anakin, crashing and avalanching into Obi-Wan’s mind along their shared bond. He fights the urge to fall back physically even as he retreats into his own mind. 

“The way I acted? The council has insulted me-“

“Anakin! You’re too young! A level of maturity that only comes with age must be-“

“Oh, bantha kark!” 

They fall silent, both halves of a single warrior, a single person, staring at each other. Obi-Wan’s face is one of hurt, of shock and he wants to reach out, to wrap Anakin in his arms, but it’s not an option. Anakin’s is of simmering rage barely concealed, his pride bleeding out in front of him. 

“Anakin-“

“Save it, Obi-Wan. I don’t want to debate with you on whether or not I deserve to be given the rank of Master. We clearly have different opinions on the matter,” Obi-Wan flinches, hand reaching out towards his beloved, but Anakin is still not facing him.

The mission the council has given him to tell Anakin weighs heavily on his mind and he can’t be the one to tell him. He can’t lose any more of Anakin’s trust right now. 

“Anakin, I-“ 

Anakin force shoves him to the wall, moving past him briskly, fury and righteousness rolling off of him as he does.

Obi-Wan turns in the opposite direction, going to tell the council he failed to give Anakin his new mission. 

As he does…

He wonders when he started losing Anakin the way he has. 

 

 

_Let him know that you know best_

_Cause after all, you do know best_

_Try to slip past his defense_

_Without granting innocence_

_Lay down a list of what is wrong_

_The things you've told him all along_

_And pray to God he hears you_

_And I pray to God he hears you_

 

 

The nightmare have returned… Anakin is tired and he hasn’t slept in days, maybe even weeks. Every time he shuts his eyes he sees a world of red, of hate and anger, and he sees Obi-Wan die. Obi-Wan dies, lightsaber wound to the gut being the cause and he calls out to Anakin. 

_‘Anakin! Anakin, please! I love you!’_

But wherever Anakin is, he can’t help. 

His nightmares force him to see this night after night, to see what is going to happen to the man he loves despite everything. 

And so every night he finds solace in the arms of a paid man or woman, cheap and easily ditched afterward. Tonight, the woman is pretty. She is human, her skin is pale, her eyes a dull green, her hair a coppery blonde. 

Anakin sees the resemblance, knows that it would hurt Obi-Wan to know Anakin seeks pleasure in another. Especially one that looks like him, but Anakin can’t stop.

If he stops, the heavy weight balancing over his head will come crashing down. 

_He doesn’t love you…_

_He loves his duty more than he could ever love you…_

Anakin hangs his head as he ducks out into the lower levels of Coruscant, hoping Padmé will let him take her couch to lay on so he doesn’t have to go home and face the man he loves. 

 

“Anakin, please!” The man spins, looking down at Obi-Wan with the same look. The council has just told him that he is to face Grievous alone and Anakin is angry. 

“I don’t agree with their decision,” he bites through clenching teeth and Obi-Wan swallows the lump in his throat. 

_He doesn’t believe in me?_

_He doesn’t think I can do it…_

Obi-Wan pushes the thought away, “Can we talk? You’ve been avoiding me,” Obi-Wan says, risking coming closer so that he can cup Anakin’s cheek in his palm. His eyes search those of his lover’s and find nothing, just an ice cold blue reflection of his own eyes swimming with tears. 

For a moment, Anakin softens, his posture and eyes melting, but they’re stiff again before Obi-Wan can say anything. 

“I don’t agree with their decision,” Anakin says again before spinning on his heal and leaving Obi-Wan alone again. 

 

Obi-Wan stands on the deck, his ship almost ready, and he chews on a ration bar as Cody hands him papers to sign before they take off. 

Anakin has been MIA for a while, but Obi-Wan doesn’t expect anything different given his behavior lately.

Still, he presses his ring finger where his ring should be and promises to the force, 

_I will do my best to survive, to make it back to him._

 

And Anakin watches him go from the shadows, too afraid to go out and say goodbye for what might be the last time. 

He can’t lose Obi-Wan, not again. 

He won’t.

He’ll do whatever it takes. 

 

 

_As he begins to raise his voice_

_You lower yours and grant him one last choice_

_Drive until you lose the road_

_Or break with the ones you've followed_

_He will do one of two things_

_He will admit to everything_

_Or he'll say he's just not the same_

_And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

 

 

Anakin stands watching the flames crash against the shore, his eyes burning from the heat. 

He did what he had to do. 

He has to save Obi-Wan, no matter the cost.

The consul inside makes a noise and Anakin walks around the dead bodies littered across the floor to reach it. 

A familiar starfighter; one just like his own, enters orbit and Anakin knows he has to go out and meet his husband in the hanger. 

He wont appreciate the makeover he’s given the station. 

He pulls himself together and lets a smile come to his face. He will do his best to hide it, but he’s sure Obi-Wan already knows. 

He will have to make Obi-Wan listen and if he cant then… Then he’ll have to fight him into submission. 

He will not lose him. 

 

Obi-Wan touches the ship down on durasteel, taking a moment to breathe as he looks out at the molten landscape. The horizon is black with smoke and ash, swallowing Obi-Wan’s hope along with the stars. 

He leaves the ship.

Anakin is already there.

Obi-Wan can’t help but to rush into his arms.

“Anakin… Oh, My Anakin,” he breathes out, pressing his face into Anakin’s chest as tears drip from his eyes. 

“i saw your ship,” Anakin drawls, his tone lighter then it’s been in weeks, “What are you doing out here?” Obi-Wan’s eyes narrow for a moment. Anakin is so clam… More collected then Obi-Wan can remember. 

“My troopers tried to kill me and I- When I tracked your comm it was here. I didn’t know where else to-“

“Shh… It’s okay now, Obi-Wan. Everything is going to be okay now, no one can stand in the way of our love,” he shushes and Obi-Wan catches it. The faint, almost nonexistent pleasure that comes along their bond with the words, the sick pride. 

And when he looks up, Anakin’s eyes are half crazed.

“What have you done?” He asks and Anakin stiffens, breathing in sharply. 

Obi-Wan immediately puts distance between them. 

“What I needed to- where do you think you’re going?” He growls out and Obi-Wan spins on his heal, taking off for his starfighter. 

He doesn’t know who he’s speaking to, but it’s not Anakin. 

“Come back here!” The harsh shout comes to his ears and he grunts as he is pulled backwards with the force. 

A level of power he didn’t know Anakin could possess. 

He fights, but it’s no use and he goes unconscious when something hard crack over his skull. 

 

Anakin stands over the body of the man he loves, looking down at him with eyes that have become much too yellow. 

“You’ll see Obi-Wan, no one will hurt us ever again.”

 

 

_Where did I go wrong?_

_I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

 

 

Obi-Wan sits alone on Tatooine. Alone in a homestead with no purpose and three lightsabers: two blue and one red. 

He doesn’t know which blade hurts him more as he rubs his prosthetic leg, a gift from Vader after a particularly vicious fight. 

That was from the red one.

The semi-dent in his head is from his old blue one. 

The murder of the love of his life was from his own. 

He regrets having to kill him in the end, misses him with every fiber of his being, every atom in his body. 

But he couldn’t save a man who chose to ruin himself. 

 

 

_how to save a life…_

**Author's Note:**

> AH! I know this is brief and leaves a lot unanswered and maybe someday I'll lengthen it, but I hope you enjoy it as is! thank you for reading!


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